Law Student Barbie

More Study Avoidance -- Who Own's The Fish?

2006-05-04T15:10:00.000-04:00

If you can answer this puzzle, then you might be as smart as Einstein. As I did it, I realized Einstein definitely helped create the logic games of the LSAT. E-mail me if you want the answer: lawstudentbarbie@yahoo.com

There are 5 houses in 5 different colors.

In each house lives a man with a different nationality.

The 5 owners drink a certain type of beverage, smoke a certain brand of cigar, and keep a certain pet.

No owners have the same pet, smoke the same brand of cigar or drink the same beverage.

The question is: "Who owns the fish?"

Hints:

The Brit lives in the red house.

The Swede keeps dogs as pets.

The Dane drinks tea.

The green house is on the left of the white house.

The green house's owner drinks coffee.

The person who smokes Pall Mall rears birds.

The owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhill.

The man living in the center house drinks milk.

The Norwegian lives in the first house.

The man who smokes Blends lives next to the one who keeps cats.

The man who keeps the horse lives next to the man who smokes Dunhill.

The owner who smokes Bluemasters drinks beer.

The German smokes Prince. The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.

The man who smokes Blends has a neighbor who drinks water.

Ways to Avoid Studying For Finals

2006-04-25T18:44:00.000-04:00

1. Check your apartment lease for the provision that details any redecorating fee. Evaluate the consequences of a color change. Decide that when you move out you will be making an attorney's salary. Drive to Sherwin Williams and pick out paint. Paint living room while making a mental note to do the bedroom next.

2. Clean your carpet. Clean your baseboards. Clean the oven. Clean behind the dryer. Wash the windows. Clean the ceiling fan. Water your plants (you know, that once a semester drink)

3. Create a new workout plan that you will never stick to (especially when finals are over). Try out new gyms on a trial basis.

4. Make lasagna (including the noodles) from scratch. No time like the present to learn to be a world class chef.

5. Learn the art of Sudoku and Finish a New York Times Sunday Crossword Puzzle.

6. Read your cell phone instruction manual. Program your VCR. Reorganize your personal files.

7. Clean out your closet and hold a garage sale.

8. Watch the entire last season of "Friends". Watch all six seasons of "Sex and the City". Watch all of the "Star Wars" movies. Watch the entire "Rocky" series. Read "A Tale of Two Cities". Read the Bible.

9. Write your Christmas list. Start your Christmas shopping, you'll save money and be done by Halloween.

10. Count the number of days until you graduate from Law School. I graduate in 249 days, 20 hours, 2 minutes, and 48 seconds.

Remember You Have to Undergo a Fitness Exam To Take the Bar

2006-04-06T22:57:00.000-04:00

1. Perhaps you've noticed that class composites are kept for long periods of time (ie those black and white ones were not taken when black and white film came back for a few years in the early 90s)...therefore when circumscribing your title try to avoid such titles as: Civ Pro Fellow, Junior Secretary to the Law Students For Underwater Basket Weaving Organization, Member of PETA, MILF, Law School Pimp, Professional Cheerleader, etc.

2. Again with the composites, dress to impress. Remember you can go into the photographer's office instead of taking a chance with the understairwell snap shot.

3. My law school e-mail account is not a forum for childish rants amongst 20 people who can't agree on the issue of whether we are all immigrants and everyone and their dog should be able to cross the border and stay as long as they want. If you see fit to have an obnoxious conversation that no one needs 20 emails a day about start a blog. Or here is a novel thought, have an open forum and argue face to face like they did ten years ago when you couldn't hide behind a computer.

4. Beware your classmates will someday be your colleagues whether you like it or not. So, if you want to act like a pompous a-hole I suggest practicing law in Alaska. For the record, firms do ask their clerks what they think about students they are interviewing. If this is an "ah ha" moment for you, you can now stop wondering why you do not have a job.

5. For the record, sending out an April Fool's Day "joke" e-mail to the entire school (including administration) that suggests that the school's worry over declining numbers and rankings has caused the school to change it's name in shame that makes it into local media is probably not a good way to get your name out.

6. Along with number 5, do not go out of your way to be quoted in any sort of local media while in law school. You are a law student and you don't know your a** from your face regarding legal reality, therefore no one cares about your opinion and you look like the class dunce.

7. If within the first or second week of the class you realize you don't know who the gunner is, surprise, it's you.

8. Being late to every class would not be a good way to get a professor to write a reccomendation for you. In addition, those parking tickets you are racking up as a result of being tardy and not being able to find a spot must be disclosed on your bar exam. That should make for an interesting explanation.

9. Never be the jerk that writes a letter to the dean because your professor had to cancel a class and didn't schedule a make-up class. And, never be the jerk who asks for the attendance sheet after class is over, you just created a huge riot to sign in and you just screwed anyone who was getting a get out of jail free card...they got lucky, you are not superior because you were prudent.

10. If you intend to write about prudent and rational people on the bar exam it would be appropriate to conduct oneself in such a way.

Response to Inquiries Re Law School Prom

2006-03-10T17:08:00.000-05:00

1. Don't worry...I have zero desire to run for office. It was just a suggestion.

2. Is law school prom worth it? I'll let you decide: (The following are of course optional expenses)

Dress -- borrowed from 14 year old sister
Sunglasses -- borrowed from friend who wore them to prom
Ticket -- $50
Alcohol -- Open Bar
Hair -- $50
Manicure -- $35
Pedicure -- $45

Actually enjoying time with your law school friends...Priceless.

3. Schmoozing...For me it's inherent, I grew up with adults so I've never really been afraid to look someone in the eye and have a conversation. For those who may be challenged you could pick your favorite childhood cartoon character and focus on trying to mimic them, or if that fails I suggest watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Remember even if you don't like someone you can pretend that they are your favorite movie star. I find the imagination works wonders. Just remember be your surface level self, smile, nod your head as if you are engaged, laugh at jokes (even when not funny) and humor always breaks down a wall of ice.

Law School Prom

2006-03-05T21:43:00.000-05:00

In case the picture doesn't say it all...Lessons from Barrister's ball.

1. When attending law school prom remember that you are not the only person there who attended for the open bar...don't leave the bar without at least one drink in each hand.

2. You will have the rest of your life to wear black when you actually become a barrister...

3. French braids should not be worn (especially with interwoven curling ribbon) past the age of 9 or after 1990.

4. 80s bangs, believe it or not, went out in the 80s...please refer to the above 1990 rule.

5. Only sit at tables near the dean and faculty at your own risk.

6. If you plan to run for congress later in life you should consider not attending...pictures are worth a 1000 words...apparently I will not be running.

7. Wearing a white dress should be reserved for your wedding day.

8. If you choose to wear white and you don't look like Nicole Kidman at the Academy Awards, please choose a girdle...your classmates will thank you.

9. If you are prone to spilling drink clear liquids.

10. Silk is a klingy material...make sure your fabric works with you not against you.

Ode To My Final Brief

2006-03-01T22:19:00.000-05:00

In Honor of My Last Law School Brief and in the Spirit of Procrastination I created the following Composition:

To The Tune of "I Wish I Were An Oscar Mayer Weiner"

Oh I wish my brief was finally finished,

That is what I'd truly like to see.

Because if my brief was finally finished,

Everyone would have a drink with me.

Although it was a photo finish...I successfully managed to procrastinate until nearly the last minute and yet lose very little Beauty Rest. The brief may suck...but the formatting is impeccable (another good procrastination technique I've found).

LSB

2006-02-12T16:35:00.000-05:00

MIA

2006-02-06T20:12:00.000-05:00

For those who might have wondered...

In addition to feeling a little uninspired...I haven't exactly set myself up for success as far as this semester goes. I have 17 credits which, hold onto your hats, translates to 8 classes. I also work as a law clerk around 20 hours a week and I'm in charge or involved in a number of various societies. I know, I'm crazy and probably belong in a mental institution. However, I really don't find that stripes do much for me and the padded walls aren't very inspiring either.

If you don't think I'm nuts here's a look at my course list: Legal Writing, Advanced Legal Research, Corporate Tax, Law and Public Health, Health Care Regulation and Finance, Family Law, Healthcare Organizations, and Moot Court. Here's a hint...don't ever do this.

I do look forward to topic suggestions. So, please let me know if there is something I should be entertaining.

Oh and look forward to a Dating In Law School Special Report on Law School Prom in March!

Complaints

2006-01-19T17:52:00.000-05:00

I last complained about not having grades on 1/11/06. I am still waiting for 2 grades from exams taken 12/12 and 12/8. Considering the fact that classes have already started...and it's been close to a month and a half...WHERE ARE MY GRADES??

Also, since I am still mourning the loss of good football teams for the Superbowl, I am currently taking suggestions of what I should do with the football garland I ignorantly purchased in anticipation of a once in a life time Superbowl.

Black Monday

2006-01-15T22:57:00.000-05:00

Let us all morn Superbowl XL as the really excellent NFL teams have been ejected from the playoffs. I will be wearing black tomorrow to morn the Bears, the Colts, and yes even the Pats (I may not like them...but I will admit that they are a good team). Please God, let the Broncos go to the Superbowl!

Secret Professor Hobbies

2006-01-11T22:20:00.000-05:00

Since I know that my professors are not grading my exams (based on a lack of 3 grades) I have decided (given a nudge from a fellow classmate) to speculate on what my professors are doing other than grading my exams.

1. Since I doubt many of my professors participate in fantasy football leagues, I am guessing they have been busily setting up their fantasy Senate Judiciary Committees in preparation for vigilent attention to what I have dubbed as the Alito Inquisition.
2. Several of my professors may have formed a militia to guard Starbucks from further bomb threats...after all the world of academia must have good caffeine.
3. Some of my professors, in an attempt to assign grades, may have tried the staircase grading method which caused them to lose several exams for which they are still searching.
4. A few of my professors probably have rented an old winnebago and are half way to Mardi Gras now.
5. Inevitably a few of my overworked and frail professors have likely caught what will be the start of the Bird Flu Pandemic in the United States.
6. A few of my braver professors have likely set out on a archealogical journey to unlock the mysteries of Skull Island and search for dinosauers and Kong.
7. It is possible that my professors have a secret passion/addiction to their new found hobby of underwater basket weaving.
8. Many of my professors are likely still searching the ends of the earth to find the most expensive, tragically new, and heaviest case book, in fact so rare that it will not have used book value.
9. TIVO: Many professors have no doubt spent the last month glued to the TV watching a semester's worth of missed Oprah, Dr. Phil and Lost episodes.
10. Several of my professors probably made a pilgrimage to audition for the next American Idol...and I am quite sure that Simon was not amused.

LSB's Super Bowl Picks

2006-01-06T09:09:00.000-05:00

You would probably never guess...but I am a HUGE NFL fan. I LOVE football. So, here are my picks for this year's Superbowl.

Jacksonville v. New England -- Patriots

Indianapolis v. Pittsburgh -- Colts

Cincinnati v. Pittsburgh -- Bangels Indianapolis v. New England -- Colts

New England v. Denver -- Patriots

------------------------------------ Indianapolis v. Chicago -- Colts

Carolina v. NY Giants -- Giants

Carolina v. Chicago -- Bears

Washington v. Tampa Bay -- Redskins Seattle v. Chicago -- Bears

Washington v. Seattle -- Seahawks

I know that the likeliness of the Bears playing the Colts is about as likely as another ice age...but It would certainly be my dream come true!

In Case I Suffer From Amnesia in the Future...

2005-12-30T22:58:00.000-05:00

WHEREAS, LSB agreed to spend her winter break at her parents house in suburbia city, USA where she does not know a single person under the age of 40; and

WHEREAS, LSB has looked for actuall documentation to prove that she was either abducted by aliens or adopted rather than an actual blood member of her family; and

WHEREAS, LSB has scientifically determined that watching paint dry, monitoring the weather like a meteoroligist, stripping wall paper, having a root canal, watching ice freeze, and finally lying face down naked in glass, are all more interesting and desireable activities than the boredem that ensues from a three week pilgrimage to her family's abode; and

WHEREAS, LSB has realized: that she is too much like the CEO (father CEO of my law school career), that two adult women is too many for one household, that her brother really belongs to a Japanese family, and that the reason she calls her yougest sibling PAAM (Princess All About Me) is because she is the chosen one; and

WHEREAS, all people know that children and puppies are much cuter and angelic when they are sleeping, they also know that families are much easier to love from afar; NOW THEREFORE BE IT,

RESOLVED, that the record shall state that agreeing to go home for slightly over three weeks to stay with parents in a strange city (or any city, or frankly down the street) is NOT a good idea. Further spending the 3rd week in Disney World...probably a really HORRIBLE plan.

New Year's Resolutions For 2Ls

2005-12-30T22:20:00.000-05:00

1. I will stop berrating myself for not briefing cases. I haven't briefed a case since my first week of my first year, what makes me think I will start now?
2. I will only buy the REQUIRED books for class. I don't care how reinvigorated I think I am, spending 100s of dollars on SUGGESTED reading is the is like flushing 100 dollar bills down the toilet.
3. I wil stop trying to make friends with other law students and accept them as what they are: future business contacts. They like me for the same reason I pretend to like them...a potential means to an end.
4. I will remember that I only have 3 more semesters left of school. Thus only 3 more semesters to act like I'm in college.
5. Repeat after me... Law School is not fun. Law School is not fun. Law School is not fun.
6. I pledge, on my honor, to respec the attendance policy. I will never go an entire semester without using all of my allotted absences.
7. I will not voluntarily take on extracurricular activities that do not promise free food or alcohol.
8. I will no longer attend peer question driven review sessions. If I am afraid I will miss something, I will remember what I have learned from other such review sessions...NOTHING and recall that one on one time in office hours can be useful.
9. I will buy Gilberts for all of my classes and religiously use them to cram for exams rather than do all the extra work my classmates think is so useful. Further, I will remember that outlines that have worked for others are good enough for me.
10. I will respond honestly to public inquiries about law school. It is not fun. I don't like it. I only continue becuase $40,000 of debt will be hard to pay off with half of a law degree.

Correction

2005-12-22T20:34:00.000-05:00

The tax exam was in class. We were not allowed to leave the third floor of the law school. Instructions included bring your lunch, bring your medicines, blankets etc. Our professor wrote the State tax code and is a Presidential advisor who has been teaching for 43 years...that's right he has taught students who have retired...so, basically taking this class and this exam was a nightmare.

Jury Duty

2005-12-21T16:55:00.000-05:00

So, I got called for jury duty this week. As luck would have it I was in group 3...and therefore had no chance of my number not getting called. The problem with getting called the week before Christmas is that people are apparently too busy to show up for jury duty. Apparently the threat of being hauled in to the big house is not scary enough. So, I showed up at 8am and I was not pleased because there was a lot of waiting and let's face it, I was going to make $15 dollars for the day (I make almost twice that in an hour). Frankly I just waived my big check because I figure it's my civic duty to not contribute to the State deficit. The effort to cash a $15.00 check is more burdensome than the $15.00 I gave up.

At any rate, the lack of jurors meant I still had to go through Voir Dire. Here's a hint to future criminal attorneys. I understand that people in a jury theoretically have not attended law school and do not truly know what a "burden of proof" means, or what exactly "beyond a reasonable doubt" means. But, I can tell you this, explaining reasonable doubt by pointing to the corner of a court room and asking 7 of 12 jurors to identify the object you are pointing to (which by the way was the American Flag) and then asking them how they knew...is slightly condescending. And if you are a defense attorney and you are trying to demonstrate that the burden of proof lies with the state, asking every juror whether or not you could simply sit with your defendant and not doing anything was ok probably is not going to make you a favorite. Cockiness may have served you in law school, and had you chosen corporate law or high profile criminals it might still be serving you, but I wouldn't shove your ego down a potential jurors throat.

Basically, the experience reaffirmed my conviction to never set foot in a court room again. Needless to say I was dismissed. But, they wouldn't let us leave because other courts didn't have enough jurors. After most of the day was gone, they finally let me leave at which point I decided to do all things unpleasant in the same day and drove to the BMV. What sucks even more than going to the BMV is when you get all the way there to find out that they are not open on Mondays.

So, the good news. I had to report to jury duty on Monday and I was there a vast majority of the day in which I missed the opportunity to make money at work. BUT, in the off chance that I would have been picked, all of the cases that day were criminal and scheduled to last at the least through Tuesday. However, in addition to being lucky enough to not have to come back on Tuesday I was also lucky to be called Monday and not Tuesday. Why? Well because on Tuesday the City-County building evacuated 8000 people for 3 hours into sub-20 degree temperatures for a bomb threat. So, the way I see it, it could have been much worse.

For the Record

2005-12-18T09:59:00.000-05:00

I would just like to clarify that when a professor gives you 8 hours to take an exam...don't plan on getting done early. It's not worth kidding yourself. I actually completed a tax exam that began at 8:30am at 3:30pm. Sadly there were several students still taking the exam when I finally called it a day. The exam was 101 pages long with 370 multiple choice questions and 37 fill in the blanks. I can safely say that Tax is the toughest course I have ever taken and the exam SUCKED.

Prayer to the Law Gods

2005-12-09T04:44:00.000-05:00

Do to the 7.5 inches of snow we received over 6 hours, my Admin exam was morphed into a take home. Luckily or perhaps unluckily the projected 3.5 hour exam was given a 24 hour window because I have now been tackling this SOB for 11 hours and I am half way through question 2 (thankfully of 2 questions).

And so law gods I ask...is this a cruel joke or a gesture of love?

One thing is safe to say...had I walked into a 3.5 hour exam and been handed this exam something tumultuous would have occurred. I can't be sure what because the possibilities are endless. Would I have started bawling and crumpled my exam paper as I defeatedly left the exam after reading it? Would I have made a valiant effort only to have gotten 3 sentences composed in 3.5 hours? Would I have started cracking up and written "I don't care...but I do know Howie Felterbush" and turned my exam in immediately? Would I have run screaming from the room shouting fire (thus ending my bar reivew character exam) and pulling the alarm on my way out? Would my night have ended in a trending striped (albeit armless) jumpsuit in a padded cell? The world (thankfully) will never know...but none of those options would have supported by pass/fail attitude to law school...because I'm guessing you don't get an automatic pass for courses that cause dementia or temporary insanity that prevent a student from taking the exam.

Like Bart Simpson I will use this "snow day" to pass my exam despite my desire to run out and play in the snow...or maybe my desire to hit the bar.

Snow

2005-12-07T22:24:00.000-05:00

I'd like to report that I HATE snow. As a kid even school snow days got old with me because I get cabin fever in a hurry. What good is a day off if you can't go anywhere or do anything fun other than get pneumonia from playing outside until you are soaking wet and hypothermia?

That said, theoretically a snow day from law school may actually be a real blessing...I mean I love when class is canceled and my mom can't tell me that I'm not allowed to go anywhere because she lives 5 hours away. On the other hand, during exams a snow day would NOT make me a happy camper. Why? I'm sure most law students might think I am nuts. But, I disagree. I have had it in my brain that I have 5 exams starting tomorrow and ending exactly 10 days later with an 8 hour income tax exam on a Saturday. Basically that means that my life will be a major living hell for 10 days and then after the longest exam in exam history I will be DONE and free from law school for a whole month.

So, if my exam gets canceled tomorrow evening because of 4 - 8 inches of ugly white stuff this could really upset the balance. It would be impossible for me to fit an exam into my schedule and that would mean I would have to go beyond my monster 8 hour exam and that would not be amusing. So, unless snow would like to cancel a regular day of class (preferably one that I have like 5 hours of class on rather than 50 minutes) I am all for it. Otherwise, I hope everyone is planning on putting on their parka and snow boots and making the trek.

SPAM

2005-12-05T23:53:00.000-05:00

I have a professor who does lectures for every class using power point. Although she loves technology, it does not love her and over the course of the semester she was frequently challenged by the mysteries of her laptop. One thing she never mastered was shutting down her email program before lecture. As luck would have it this professor used Microsoft Outlook and the pop-up notification system alerting her to the name and subject of new messages. Apparently the school's SPAM filter is below average and this particular professor tends to get a lot of embarrassing SPAM.

On one occasion in class a pop-up notification alerted the class that our Administrative Law professor had received an email entitled "Sex is Good". As all immature law students should, the class began cracking up until she figured out what we were laughing about and then tried to cover her embarrassment by doing an example of notice and comment rule making about whether or not Sex was in fact good. Not a moment I would like to relive in the near future.

This evening was our last class and in true form we were again a captive audience to our professor's email notifications. This time she did notice the email notification, but she apparently was not privy to the entertainment of this notification when she said out loud, " I don't know anyone named Howie Felterbush."

How Not to Be A Summer Clerk

2005-12-05T15:47:00.000-05:00

This guy is hilarious...crass...but hilarious. Never underestimate the effect of putting hard working, souless people together with little connection to the outside world.

LSB's Tips for Avoiding Studying for Exams

2005-11-29T16:45:00.000-05:00

I'm pretty good with lists, so I'll go ahead and use that format again.

1. Make an extremely detailed study plan that is both unreasonable and knowingly unreachable.
2. Beg, Borrow and Steal every supplement, outline and other classmates notes as possible so that you have an exorbitant amount of paper that you will never be able to whittle into a reasonable length outline.
3. Clean your base boards, tile grout, carpet, refridgerator and microwave...they don't see must action on a weekly basis.
4. Rearrange your furniture, after all proper Feng Shui should facilitate more efficient studying.
5. Put up a massive amount of holiday decorations...not necessarily recommended for spring exams.
6. Get a new puppy...they have to go outside at least once an hour and like babies don't sleep through the night.
7. Rearrange your closet by color and season.
8. After rearranging your closet go shopping...good luck finding a parking spot this time of year. (For those dependent on student loans like myself and who think the government is quite funny believing a 20 something or older student can live on under a $1000 a month on-line window shopping is great and you don't even have to leave your bed.)
9. Go through the newspaper, clip every coupon, and then go to the nearest supermarket and play shop till you drop finding every item you have a coupon for.
10. Watch movies like "The Paperchase" because they involve snipets of valuable contract law.
11. Start that new exercise routine you've been planning all semester.
12. Try to channel your professors as they prepare your exams so you can bring canned answers to the classes you are allowed to have cheat sheets or open notes.
13. Make one of those cute paper chains you used to make in grade school to count down the days until exams are finished.
14. Don't forget to watch all of your favorite shows you don't get to see when you are in class. (A good starter list may include: Days of Our Lives, Dr. Phil and, Oprah during the day. In the evenings M - Prison Break, T - House W - Lost TR - Appprentice and ER F-Anything you tivoed and were forced to delay S - That movie you've been meaning to see and SU - NFL Football during the day and Extreme Home Makeover, Desperate Housewives, and Greys Anatomy)
15. Try to recount the names of every student in your largest classes.
16. Plan and host a dinner party.
17. Make a list of everything you would rather be doing than studying and then do them.
18. Make up songs about finals, last year I found that the Oscar Meyer Weiner tune was easy to set lyrics to.
19. Start a Blog.
20. Freak out and then hit the bar...studying is futile and law school is really pass/fail if you think about it...if you pass all your classes, you graduate and are eligible to take the bar, if you pass the bar they call you lawyer...even if you were last in your class.

Jersey Girl

2005-11-15T12:17:00.000-05:00

The following is an email exchange between myself and my Con Law Professor via e-mail...the man may indeed be the funniest professor I have ever had.

Prof. W.:

If I'm not mistaken, it was your question in Con Law that unexpectedly set off a twenty minute downhill cascading essay answer, so you're the clear winner of the Question of the Week Award. Usually there's a prize pack including coupons, gift certificates (oil change at Jiffy Lube, Mike's Car Wash, Pizza Hut, etc.), t-shirts, highlighters from West's, and a bumper sticker. But I've been playing catch-up all week what with the imperfect diagnosis and all. Still, you have the honor of the thing.

LSB:

I'm honored. I'm a size small t-shirt for future reference.

Prof. W.:

There's been some sort of a delay in shipping your prizes. Software, they tell me. At the factory end. You better think of another Con Law question, and then ask it.

All the kids watch The Sopranos these days. Being a Jersey Girl is therefore quite popular. With your name (my last name is without doubt Italian), you might want to try passing as one.

LSB:

I've never been to Jersey, but my Chicago relatives are an Italian version of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"...I suspect also very similar to the Sopranos since most relatives (distant relatives that is) have only been convicted of one felony...tax evasion...will they ever learn.

Prof. W.:

Your Jersey Girl act would need fine-tuning in any case. The name only carries you so far. Can you flatten out your accent a bit? Do you think you could find some sky blue eye-liner on the way home? I'm assuming you don't own any. And then see if they still have any Halloween discount Double-Bubble gum bags at the same drugstore. About four wads at once, occasionally snapped. Four inch platforms optional. That, trust me, because I would know, is your classic Jersey Girl.

Caution: Not for interviewing purposes. Prof. W.

More on Dating in Law School...Tainted Goods

2005-11-13T15:44:00.000-05:00

I often wonder how it is that you are supposed to just meet someone like they do on Sex in the City and know that the person you are dating is not the Unabomber or plotting to chop you into small pieces in your sleep. That aside, I've already said that I don't plan to meet any future date in a bar, so I suppose that rules out total strangers and future piece choppers.

The point I am getting to is that you really don't want to go out with anyone that you have not run an FBI background check on. Ok, so that might be a bit extreme, but I do think doing a little research is worth a persons time. If by chance you find a specimen at the law school who has temporarily left their oversized ego at the door and by all outward appearances seems to have matching pairs (rather than trios) of the important parts, then I am an advocate for doing research. (Please note that I know this is an extremely rare situation.)

I like to think of the background check as a sort of preventative research. I am really not advocate for wasting my time with a serial dater or mama's boy. However, I must report, preventative research in a place as small as a law school is about as much of a waste of time as doing research for moot court.

Why? Case in Point.

The sheer number of available, mildly attractive males in law school who do not have egos reserve for that of use car salesmen and ambulance chasers in a school of approximately 1000 or less is probably about 10. Then when you subtract those with extra sets of arms and third nipples, I figure you are down to less than 5. Now, you may be thinking, congratulations you have found the needle in the hay stack.

Wrong, 3 out of the 5 are secretly in love with their mother's and would love nothing more than a stay at home wife and ten children. The other 2 are a hot commodity and as a result of the gross disparity between available men and the number of law school women looking for 1 karat plus diamonds, those 2 are almost always serial daters by default. You may be saying, "but what if he's different this time?"

You may be right, but odds are, probably not. And for that matter, once you've started preventative research, you'll learn that 8 out of your 9 girl friends at the law school either dated him, wanted to date him, or know someone who did, and as is the golden rule of any sorority: dating tainted goods is frowned upon.

Halloween: A Bad Ferry, Tinkerbell, & An Angel

2005-11-11T17:31:00.000-05:00

One New Attorney and 2 Law Students....

To Potential Law School Candidates...

2005-11-11T17:10:00.000-05:00

If you are considering law school and you are reading blogs trying to determine what the real story is and whether or not you are going to attend law school, go ahead and use your desire to use logic and legal reasoning on this question:

Have you ever wondered why there are no blogs titled "I LOVE LAW SCHOOL"?

Run....run and hide

How To Do Well In Law School

2005-11-09T12:56:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I was given a 2 page document that contained what someone believes to be good study tips. Here are a few of my favorites.

CLASS ATTENDANCE

"One study showed that the most common link to poor performance in law school is poor class attendance...If you need to miss more than one or two classes, let the professor know well in advance."

Gee that's a load off, I thought poor performance was linked to your LSAT scores and not being good at analysis and reasoning. Luckily they gave us this great attendance advice on November 8th and as luck would have it I only need to miss 2 more meetings of each class to meet quota.

CLASS NOTES

"Taking good notes is a good investment in your future grade point average. If you take notes on a laptop avoid, surfing the web, sending e-mail, instant messaging, online games or other activities unrelated to class."

It's November 8th...would have been nice to know in August, but I guess that explains the question marks and holes in my notes.

READ READ READ (that's right they wrote the same word three times)

"Don't get behind in your reading...Use weekends and holidays to hit any missed cases, but keep reading throughout the week."

Ummm...weekends and holidays...(shaking head as I look for contact information for the author)

BRIEF CASES BEFORE CLASS

I'm not even going to give any quoted text here...see "You May be a 2L if..."

OLD EXAMS

"The absolute best way to study for exams is to acquire old tests."

Did anyone tell the author that we got into law school for our intelligence and reasoning skills. I personally advocate acquiring old outlines too...no reason to do extra work when it's already been done, let's face it, the law is the law.

OUTLINES AND SUPPLEMENTS

"Always make your own class outlines...only the material covered in your class should be on your outline."

See Old Exam Comments. Professors like to spend time writing text books and doing speeches...not rewriting syllabi.

TAKE IT EASY

Has the author attended law school?

THE EXAM

"Manage your time carefully, Read the Instructions Carefully, When writing your answers organization is key."

Gee, in a perfect world I'd have a 4.0 with this technique, but then I remember our exams are timed and our professors forget that they are timed when they write the exams.

AFTER THE STORM

"When the exam is over, be sensitive to your classmates' frames of mind."

Yeah right, I don't know a single person in law school who wouldn't trample me to steal my A...this my friends is the time to be selfish.

You May Be A 2L If...

2005-11-09T12:42:00.000-05:00

I wrote the "You may be in law school if..." top ten when I was in the middle of my first year...here are some statements of progression.

1. You have scheduled your classes around both your social life and "Days of Our Lives".
2. You've determined that if you were paid what you are making at your clerking job to study and read for class you might actually do it.
3. You have resorted to cleaning your house so that you no longer have time to get your homework done.
4. You make fun of the people who still ask questions in class.
5. You look at class as a social opportunity, sort of like checking in at your office to get your messages on the latest gossip.
6. You join a legal fraternity because it offers more opportunities to drink.
7. You are secretly sponsoring a contest to find the 5 most annoying people you will meet in law school and you've determined that duct tape will be the grand prize.
8. You've personallly "canceled" class for any of the following reasons: to get your eyebrows done, to take a mental health day, to get a new outfit for your Friday night, because you are hungry, because you don't want to miss the big game.
9. You've e-mailed a professor while in his/her class.
10. You pat yourself on the back for your impeccable foresight when you chose not to participate in Law Review or Moot Court.

Reasons Why A Woman Attends Law School

2005-11-06T18:24:00.000-05:00

1. She has seen Legally Blonde and decides 3 more years of school would be an excellent way to extend sorority life.
2. She is looking for a six figure income to fund her designer shoe habit.
3. She is looking for a six figure income to fund her designer jean habit.
4. She is looking for a six figure husband to fund both.
5. She feels that graduate school is a means for expanding her mind. (Yeah right, see 1-4)

(This is meant to be funny. The above statements do not necessarily reflect any personal predispositions about myself (well maybe my love for shopping, but a girl's got to look good) or about other females in attendance at law schools. If you do not have a sense of humor and are offended I apologize in advance and bid you Good luck in your serious endeavor to be a top notch barrister.)

Help Wanted

2005-11-06T18:06:00.000-05:00

So it's occured to me that attorney's work a lot of hours. Not that I wasn't previously aware of this fact, but putting in an excessive number of hours in a day has started to become fairly routine for me. Unfortunately the two pound wonder dog is not thrilled with my excessive absence and I have resorted to begging friends to babysit him. I've come up with two post graduate options:

1) Hire an Au Pair, or

2) Find an indentured law student to live with me for cheap rent in exchange for watching Little Man and cleaning.

Little Bundles of Joy

2005-10-06T23:13:00.000-05:00

As a sort of ode to those who have recently brought children (one newborn in Con Law and one who appeared to be about 4 in Income Tax) to class, I thought I would pass on the following e-mail exchange.

Me: Prof. W. I was just wondering if you had thought of a
congratulatory present for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes new bundle of
joy that is on the way. I was thinking we could send them medication
for their soon to be child in case he/she is hyperactive.

Prof W.: Exactly what I had in mind. I don't know the shelf life for Eli Lilly's
"Strattera," but possibly we could locate somebody at the Law School who
could write a prescription for those crucial formative years.

Female Atty.: I have been thinking that the baby may need antidepressants (since he or she will have Tom & Katie for parents-- you know, all of that jumping around probably will have him/her all shook up). Perhaps I can contact my friend Brooke Shields for some advice on which ones to get-- you know how close she and Tom are.

Brittany Spears

2005-10-06T08:00:00.000-05:00

According to my Con Law professor, when determining what sort of gift to give a person, you have to remember that sometimes you must resort to the idea that you sometimes are forced to give a gift that you wouldn't necessarily want yourself. But, often this unwanted gift is the perfect gift for the donee. In conclusion, he decided that he would be sending Brittany Spears a carton of Marlboro Reds in congratulations for her new baby.

You May be in Law School if...

2005-10-05T12:29:00.000-05:00

1. Every thought out of your mouth starts out as, "A reasonable prudent person would..."
2. You find yourself playing contracts class bingo with a board made out of people who believe themselves to be MVPs (most valuable players)
3. You realize that while writing an email to your significant other about a dispute you are writing your argument in a brief complete with rules, reasoning, issue, etc.
4. You can sit in the same place for hours completely unaware of what’s going on around you, and you have considered an investment in ear-plugs to divert you from distraction.
5. You know that the following sentence essentially says nothing. “Whereas, until this point in time, the aforementioned female students, having been studiously digesting all provided reading materials; therefore be it, resolved that said students are entitled to the full and equitable consideration due them, as it were.”
6. You actually ask yourself, “How are you supposed to know what you don’t know if you didn’t know that you didn’t understand??”
7. You give directions to your home using the metes and bounds legal description.
8. You’ve actually been kicked out of the library because it was closing.
9. You have often wondered if criminal law is actually a theory of natural selection.
10. You have made yourself believe that you like reading 80 page contracts because your clerking job is lucrative.

Dating in Law School

2005-10-05T11:08:00.000-05:00

Honestly, and not to offend anyone, but dating another law student is completely out of the question. Where I go to school a good 90% of the "boys" that go there are so full of themselves, that their ego and I couldn't fit in the same room, let alone share a table for dinner. I would much prefer to date a newbie attorney already working at a good firm who has lost his cockiness and had his ego bruised a bit. There are several reasons for this: (1) The ego scarred probably realize that they actually do not know everything, (2) I don't have to see them everyday or have class with them, and (3) They would probably appreciate me more because they truly have no time to do something truly stupid or juvenile.

The problem becomes then is that I spend 90% of my time either at the law school or at the firm that I work at. Dating within the firm is simply too dangerous on the other hand...where else are you going to meet someone. While I like going out on the weekends, I really have no desire to say I met my husband in a bar.

Truthfully, I'm not sure I can get over my selfishness to deal with dating. But that's another story entirely. The problem is that once you are in law school it's a catch 22. Truly, I'm open to suggestions on the topic, but I think it's ridiculous to even entertain the idea.

So, how do you like law school?

2005-09-27T08:42:00.000-05:00

If you are a law student, you have probably been asked this question so many times that the spinning from your head is about to launch you helicopter style into orbit. I always found this question to be ridiculous, perhaps an attempt at humor by someone who already knows the answer. How many people actually say, "I love it! I can't wait till finals!"?? Ok, then, how many say that and mean it?? Exactly.

I found that most often I received this query from successful attorneys who were far beyond the age that a person could reasonably rely on their memories of law school as anything but pure fiction. If they really thought law school was fun, I'd advise them to see a doctor immediately because they may be suffering from dimentia.

At first my answer went something like this..."I don't like it, but I figure I have to do it if I want to be a lawyer." Lately, my creativity and disdain for school has gottent the better of me. In true legal fashion I've learned answer a question with another question..."Well, did you think law school was fun?" Lawyer: "Touche."

Purse Dog

2005-09-11T21:36:00.000-05:00

A Fun Saturday Night???

2005-09-11T21:28:00.000-05:00

Things Heard in Constitutional Law

2005-09-11T19:24:00.000-05:00

• Marbury v. Madison: “This train is going to judicial reviewville”
• Today we are involved with equal opportunity trashing
• Never call things Medieval when they are renaissance → middle ages bad, renaissance good
• Each lecture, outfits, not a product of intellectual design
• What are you talking about Sparky
• There are no digressions everything is just a disguised kernal of the truth
• Did A negligently break B’s butter churn?
• In Saks 5th Avenue the demand curve just fell over backwards
• Cardozzo style day at the court house
• There is a paragraph that sums this up, its like having me only clear and direct
• Let’s cut to the chase so I can go back to my grand theft auto
• Prof. Wright hello how you doing, it’s the geese we’re back, we know it’s four in the morning
• According to me and the internet, and who can argue with that
• I’m sorry, I hate to report this but we are sort of running out of time
• The secret word of the day is aggregation
• Watch me go into 4th gear kids, your hair is going to be flying behind you, we will catch all of the cases on BOTH pages of the syllabus
• These activities are not like the sharks and the jets from West Side Story
• We can finish class a few minutes early so we can argue the merits of different kinds of barbecue
• We’re law student’s we like simple lists of three
• We as Americans are frightened of numbers, we can handle word problems
• Babe Ruth actually partook in a performance inhibiting drug
• I used to have a personal shopper at SAKS, but she quit. She tried to explain to me that some suits just don’t fit. I think it’s due to my pumping iron and my hyper developed shoulders.
• Let’s use the key rather than kick down the door

Student Question in Income Tax

2005-09-11T19:17:00.000-05:00

I preface this comment, by saying that my income tax professor is by far the most feared and infamous professor at my university. In fact, Dr. J. wrote the State tax code and is one of the leading tax experts in the nation. Dr. J.'s teaching methods bring a whole new realm to the Socratic Method, when he smells fear he goes in for the kill.

Student: Is the only way to lower the national deficit to raise taxes?

Dr. J. (with a very serious tone): No, we could print money.

Student: Oh.

Dr. J.: That was a joke. Did you get it? Do you really think we should just print money?

LSB Takes a Golf Lesson

2005-09-06T21:40:00.000-05:00

So, apparently if you are going to practice law, you have to play golf... About half-way through my summer clerkship I decided that I needed to learn to play golf, but I had a few small hiccups. I had no idea how to play golf. I didn't own golf clubs. I didn't own golf shoes. And most importantly I did not own any golf attire (female golfers need a serious fashion update -- I mean plaid shorts and polo shirts yuck, and if you are a 12 year old and flip your collar up "popped", I have one piece of information for you, it is NOT a neck sheath!)

My introduction to golf went something like this. I mentioned to my father (the CEO of my law career) that I felt I should learn to play golf. This set quite a tidal wave in motion. Within the hour I had clubs, a glove, shoes, and a pink golf outfit and though I looked good, the closest I'd ever been to a golf course was Putt-Putt which I fondly remember cheating at. So, the CEO, deciding his golf game wasn't great, decided I would be taking a golf lesson.

I must digress for a moment to explain my theory on golf. Truthfully, I'm not sure that it is really my thing. Riding around on a cart with a beer in hand on a hot day, I can't say I'd complain. But the golf part sounds like a lot of work and frustration (not to mention I can't imagine making it nine wholes let alone eighteen after being unable to lift my arm for three days following the infamous lesson). My reason for wanting to learn is strictly professional. I am a girly girl in the respect that I like looking like I walked out of a magazine. But, I can't say that I find girlfriends easily, my attitude is not that of a girly girl. My idea of fun is a beer and a football game. I have a serious fear of relationships, and when people start talking about weddings I feel like I can't breathe. This carries over into my professional life. My approach to my career is that I have to work twice as hard because I do not want to be discounted as competent because I wear a skirt. So, if the boys want to play golf to create client relationships, then there is no way that I am going to be left out while some half-wit male attorney with eggs for brains blows by me because he can swing a stick.

Clad in hot pink and Gucci sun glasses I arrived at my lesson. Luckily the golf instructor was shall we say "patient". His first question was, "Do you play any other sports?" As I sat and thought about it, I guess I don't. When I was young I ice skated for 8 years, I was a cheerleader in high school and college, and I used to sing (though if I could have played football, I can definitely say I would have). So, I was forced to respond "No." He then asked if I had any hobbies. Personally I couldn't firgure out what the Spanish Inquisition was about. I mean, I mentioned I was in law school, who has time for a hobby? In the last year, I have completely lost any ability to focus on anything harder a kindergarten reading level. The CEO piped up and said shopping was my hobby. And really, when I thought about it, the CEO hit the nail on the head.

In the end, it was determined that I mastered the grip and seemed to have a good swing. I even hit a few really straight long shots. "Few" being the key word. But, the way I look at it, if you tally up the number of times the club actually made contact with the ball, I think my stats are pretty good.

"The Bar Exam is Like Totally Fun"

2005-09-01T21:11:00.000-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, just days before doom set in and my clerking pay check was cut in half by the onset of class, I went out to dinner with my family. My father, whom prior to my attending law school I had nearly nothing in common with, and I began jabbering on about the ins and outs of firm life and the legal aspects of business transactions. We were deeply engrossed in our common knowledge. And it was at that moment, that my sister (who shall further be referred to as "PAM" or "princess all about me" but that is another post) and my brother ganged up on us and began shouting, "Contract, Contract, Taxes, Contract, Client, Taxes." They fed off of each other with such sarcastic and punchy ferocity that even Sonny and Cher couldn't have kept up. I suppose it was no surprise when she dubbed me "Law School Barbie who wears pink suits and has tag lines like 'The Bar exam is like totally fun!' and 'I object!'"

The question you might be asking is whether I received my inspiration to attend law school from Elle Woods? I do like pink. I was in a sorority. I have a purse dog named Burberry. And the shoes, purses, and make-up floor of Nordstrom is my happy place. But, I did not receive a 179 on the LSAT and I do not attend Harvard Law. In truth, my belief is that some stuffy decrepid old man in a very itchy expensive suit created law school and the socratic method to torture those of us who enjoy life and mistakenly thought practicing law would be a hop, step and a jump away from a higher income bracket in a bad job market.

In a place such as law school the only way to survive is to create your own fun. I plan to use this blog as a means or rather an effort to divert a weary law students nose from an evidence book for a few moments of light hearted sarcasm. I make no promises, and there is no telling what I may relay here, consider yourself warned.